So yep. Had the terrifying epiphany yesterday that I only have 12 weeks left. 0-0 Yeah. Crazy. Just like the opposite of being trained as a new missionary - seeing how fast it goes, I know it'll be gone in the blink of an eye. And boy, am I excited! I feel God still has some high goals for me to achieve, and it'll take some miracles to achieve them! but I have confidence that as I do everything He tells me, it'll all work out. :)
Recently, I've been taking to a study of my weaknesses and strengths - looking at the ensign article:
It isn't a Sin to be Weak. And boy, has it been revelatory. I've seen how some of my mortal weaknesses, or "thorns of the flesh" as Paul calls them, are really a blessing - they've been given me of God to help me achieve my ultimate potential! For example, this morning, I was looking at my shyness. The times I'm least shy have been times I'm in leadership (ironically): as a trumpet section leader, physics tutor, choirmaster, district leader - all these times, I've actually been excited! It's thanks to two attributes: (1)
Virtue, having light in the subject I desire to share, and (2)
Charity, desiring to impart of that light to others, to help them progress.
I've come to know that the promise in D&C 121 is literal:
45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.
My confidence has been strong when I have Charity and Virtue - the Holy Ghost is my companion, and the doctrines of the priesthood do literally distil upon my soul. as I have Charity and Virtue. When I lack Charity of Virtue - when I don't care about the people's progression or don't have light to share, I'm shy, bashful, turn inward.
Thankfully, God's also given me depression! Turning inward is a great way to spiral into depression. The solution to depression is turning outwards, no matter how hopeless or tiring and hard it may seem. Turn outwards to other people, turn outwards to God - When I've asked His help, he's given me Charity and Virtue, which allows me to serve as a leader best (else, it's just prideful, and doesn't help people - I'd just be ticking a box).
And since I'm shy by nature, it makes the times I shine as a leader more desirable, thus increasing my drive to help others, turn outwards, seek inspiration.
I really know that many of the "weaknesses" I have are really God-given tools to help me in my eternal progression. Without shyness and depression, I would not be as powerful a leader, and could much easier spiral into pride. So! I'm actually pretty grateful for my thorns God's given me. I'm working to overcome the thorns of the world, and the thorns that come because of my running through brambles, but I am grateful for the thorns that God has given me, and I exhort you to ask God about the thorns in your life: are they from Him? If so, what are you to learn? are they there because of sin? if so, remove the sin! are they there because of a worldly problem? if so, ask God what to do about them!
He will answer. He does speak. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Until next week! :D Ta!
– Elder William Kevin Black
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